how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

"...what we do for others and the world remains and is immortal."

i read other blogs, blogs that have nothing to do with grief. i found this one and i cried. the tears were from the emotion of seeing what this young man did.

please go here and look at the photos. i looked this story up and the little dog was swept off the pier by gale force winds. this was down in Australia. the young man who jumped in to say the dog, Bibi, was on the pier with family dispensing his grandmother's ashes.

and here is my hero doing something no one saw but me, and the old lady.

we are all heroes. we have all done something that speaks to our character, to the person our husbands and wives fell in love with. this is one small part of my Dragon.

i know my Marlene Dietrich friends are my heroes. i know my children are as well. i hope i am to someone. i try to be everyday when i look into the eyes of the people i perform the heart ceremony for at work, and with every stitch i take while i sew for someone else. i am not saving the world. i am not even saving a small dog. but i hope i am saving something inside someone.

that's what i'd like to bring to my Dragon when i meet him again after i die. i want to tell him i did a very small something for the world. Bunny wants to, too. that's why she's on her world tour.

i wish peace and light to all.


Sandy said...

Hey! Where is Bunny? Haven't heard any updates lately.

womanNshadows said...

Bunny is in London with Boo. she got Boo through her husband's birthday. she is headed to J-in-Wales. i will post about her later today.

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