how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

never thought......

i never thought i'd feel this ill,
i never thought i'd be this tired,
i never thought i'd need you so
that you could not be with me.

i never thought i feel this misplaced
in a world i no longer know;
i never thought i'd be this weary
and not have you to hold me.

i never thought i'd be this old this young.
i never thought i'd be this young
and have to live without you.
i never thought you'd have to go.

we promised each other our whole lives
but "our" life ended too soon.
i'm ill and weary, lonely for you,
and there is nothing i can do.


judemiller1 said...

Maybe soon you will get a day off and be able to rest and get well.

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